there is a long hallway out of the elevator at my oncologist building. it is carpeted in a dark gray color with light gray painted walls. i always call it the gray mile. it's like you're walking to your doom.
but the last couple of doctor appointments, the walk on the gray mile has brought me a flood of memories. memories of an hour long chat from the inland empire with whichever dear friend had decided to take me that day. days of nauseous feelings overshadowed by laughter with those who sat by my bedside. reminders of tchotchkes sitting on a shelf that were meant for encouragement, but were used as targets for judgement and laughter. it reminded of me of long drives home in silence because of illness from the chemo, and the occasional pull over to purge. it reminds me of the comfort of knowing there would be dinner at home provided by a wonderful friend and tales from my children of their adventures with friends who were distracting them from our reality.
the last couple of appointments i have so missed my friends. my lifeline. my backbone that helped me survive those couple of years. friendships that i was sure could stand any storm if they survived cancer.
it's not only my Savior that i miss with my cancer free life. it's the people that helped me live through it. who carried me every day. who carried my family.
i am so grateful that my walk down the gray mile with trips that had always carried bad news, has now been overshadowed with the love and reminders of the great amounts of service we received during those times. it literally makes my heart and eyes swell.
i love and miss them so much.
1 comment:
can we do lunch sometime soon? i desperately need a bosom buddy.
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