what are your fears?
heights...
spiders...
dying...
i'm not afraid of dying, really. i have a pretty good idea of where i'm going. the leaving my family part makes me nervous, because how could they possible survive without me?!
no, i'm not afraid of dying.
but i am afraid of living.
to me, if i die, that's easy. checking out. completing the circle of life. finishing my life how most do with a diagnosis of a cancer disease.
but what if i live?
what if i am one of those few who get to stay here and live a long and healthy and happy life.
what if i live?
what if i don't remember how blessed my life has been with service, with love, with patience, with love, with devotion, with love. with health. with love.
what if i live?
what if i forget to live a life worth saving.
this is my fear.
to live.
there hasn't been treatment since november. there have been no doctor's appointments. no nausea. no weight loss (unfortunately). but coincidentally enough, i'm thinking about this more now then i did "then." and although i don't know how everything will turn out, for some reason i have been blessed with even another day. another week. another month. coming close to another year.
what if i live?
i hope i can return everything He has given me. and live the life He would have me. the life He is saving everyday.
2 comments:
you already live your life beautifully my friend. It shows through your beautiful family. It shows through your actions. It shows through your testimony. I too am glad you are living. My prayers are being answered. xoxoxo
you won't forget. and you will continue to live your life as a choice daughter of God. you. are. just. that. kind. of. person. ! :)
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