The Big Day

Hi Everyone - you will notice immediately a different style of writing - this is Bob. In no way can I match Jenny's ability to tell a story so like Sergeant Friday from Dragnet, it will be "Just the facts". It should be noted that Jenny did give me her somewhat coherent permission to update the blog...I say somewhat coherent because since leaving surgery she has been awake for minutes a time. I honestly doubt that she will remember giving me permission, but if need be proven, the night nurse Julia was here in the room when said permission was obtained. We can take it up with her.

I couldn't start this post without thanking you all so much for your calls, text messages, emails, hugs, prayers, well wishes, and thoughts. Your support through this has been amazing. This may be hard to imagine, but I have felt as though your thoughts and prayers have carried us through this day. Thank you all so much.

Now to cut to the chase, Jenny went into surgery around noon. The doctor said it would "more than likely take 30 to 40 minutes". We didn't see him until 3pm. So much for 30 minutes. I knew something was up after the 2nd hour...it was a hunch I had that made it impossible to sit. I was literally pacing and pacing. I think I bit off all my nails, pulled out as many eye lashes as possible and just pulled at my hair out during this time span. Finally the doctor came out and delivered the news - the cancer had spread further than we hoped - particularly around the lymph nodes which he said needed careful attention and to top it off, the cancer quite possibly spread into her bloodstream. He was able to get all the cancer out that he could visually see however he remains concerned and already said that Jenny will need a combo of radiation and chemo to treat this further. Not the news we hoped for needless to say. Basically this means there is more cancer than what he can see. The hardest part about hearing the news was he couldn't even tell me specifically how we would treat it or what her odds of successfully beating it are. To his defense though, I already knew why - the prognosis for cure and treatment plan will be determined by the post operative pathology report - which we won't get for about 5 days. I was still hoping for some positive news at least.

Jenny and I aren't negative people, but we are realists. We had a feeling that it wouldn't be as simple as surgery and we win. So I was somewhat prepared for this...somewhat. It still hit me hard to have it confirmed. Nobody ever wants to hear bad news about the person they love the most. And to top it off, after getting this news, I had to wait almost another 3 excruciating hours before I could see her. By that point I was glued to the hallway waiting for her. I was finding excuses to talk to the nurses and inquire about her status. I was hanging around the double doors hoping that when they opened I could see her. I was literally in pain not being able to see her. My heart jumped when I finally saw her. I have always known I've loved Jenny but seeing her at that moment absolutely and unequivocally confirmed her as my soul mate. I felt immediately relieved to see her, hear her, touch her face with my hands and kiss her forehead. Even now I am sitting 3 . feet from her. I can't bring myself to leave her side. And you should know the pink vinyl sofa which is my bed for the evening isn't exactly calling my name.

As for Jenny, she is doing fine...sleeping mostly. She wakes up for a few minutes here and there but has been hitting the "more drugs please" button pretty much every 10 minutes. She is in pain but getting through it. I imagine tomorrow will be harder for her. I feel awful because she can't eat or drink still and she is so thirsty. Ice chips just don't cut it.

It should be noted that Jenny woke up and asked me to read the blog which she approved of prior to me hitting the publish post button.

stay tuned...Our journey is just beginning.