i wouldn't be me unless i peeeeeed....

ok, soo i have to document this before i forget it.

preface: if you know me, you know i laugh - a lot - and courtesy of my first birth, i have lost a lot of control of my bladder.

well, i was sent home with a super-pubic catheter (gnarly sound, right?!) well, it's a catheter that comes from my bladder, out my stomach and down a 3 foot tube into a bag that bob has to empty, measure, color code, and dump every 3 - 6 hours. i have now dubbed bob the pee connoisseur. anyways, they told me i would have to have this in for atleast 10 days, maybe longer. this thing was gross, inconvenient, the risk for infection was ridiculously high, and i hated it. so when my doctor called after only three days of being home, i begged for him to take it out. he told me to come down to the office and that he would check it, but to not get my hopes up.

so, wednesday we headed down. to test my bladder they unplugged the catheter and added a syringe to it. they then emptied my bladder completely and readded 300cc of saline, 60cc at a time. after the first 60, i told the nurse i had to go the bathroom. i did. i had to go so bad. she said the doctor wanted all 300cc in. so, after the next 60cc, i told her i had to go again. it was starting to hurt, but still tolerable. she said we had three more to go. so, in came the third round of 60cc. ok, i told her i couldn't hold it. i had to go. she says, let me just put half of one more in. i called her out.

"was that only half?"

"no."

"how much was it?"

"another full one, and i'm adding the 5th one now."

i lost it. i started laughing. i couldn't talk. but somehow i mustered up the words, "i'm peeing." and bob lifted up his hand, dripping wet. he started screaming, "everything's wet. she's peeing." the nurse says, "what?" looks down, and we all hear a SPLASH. the table is wet. my clothes are wet. the papergown i was wearing was soaked. and all i could do was laugh. the nurse said, "i should have listened." bob says, "this is my wife who has the smallest bladder in the world that has to pee every 20 minutes." the nurse says, "this is a first for me."

my doctor came in, looked me up and down, and said, "hmm...guess we should have listened." after a painful 30 seconds of him pulling it out of my stomach, i went home bag free and happy.

but, of course i peed in the doctor's office. and of course in that offices 25 year career, i was the first to have done that. of course.